shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Boobs speak an international language.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
