How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
