If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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