he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
