Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
