i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
