Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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