I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just invented taco cereal.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.