Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed