This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed