Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.