so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
