why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
