Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
