Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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