So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
