He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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