We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
