I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
