I can't watch pbs sober anymore
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
