I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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