The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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