How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
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Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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