i think i have two assholes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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