Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
