Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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