i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
