i was born a porn star she said
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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