im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize