did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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