I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
