I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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