hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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