If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
