a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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