Welp...herpes.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize