Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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