with your own penis?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
