dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
