Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
