Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
