It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
