I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
