party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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