the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
