It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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