How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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