Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
