i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
