you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
