So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
