It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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