Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
