The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
