Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
