I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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